auditions – Page 26 – Answers for Actors

Flesh, Blood, and Binders: How Not to Get the Job

Sometimes having a sense of humor or being a little off-beat can help you stand out. Barbara Streisand lore says she was discovered the day she pretended to chew gum in an audition and “stuck it” under the bottom of her chair. But on the whole, being a bit of a whackjob doesn’t usually help you get an acting role. I’ve learned from audition mistakes. Some silly. Some sensible. Don’t do any of the following…

Heather Gault, actress and an Access to Agents student, I first met in 2009 online (No, no lewd digital exchange which would cause our pets hairball-despair. And shame on you for going there… wait I just did. Next!). She wrote to me in the spring of ’09 about a pair of producers in Florida whose business practices were as attractive as Everglades’ swamp gas. [Problem Producers]

Like myself, Heather is a contributor to Back Stage. I invited the talented actress-author to guest blog this week. And I’m glad I did… her guidance below made me laugh out loud while in the parking lot of Wendy’s in Newark, NJ.

Newark ain’t very funny.

Thank you Heather.

Onward…

Flesh, Blood, and Binders: How Not to Get the Job
Heather Gault

Sometimes leaving a weird first impression isn’t always a bad thing.

When I interviewed to intern in script development at 20^th Century Fox back in college, I thought I blew it. I borrowed somebody’s car to drive to the interview (I had never driven in LA before), and of course totally underestimated the traffic. I was very late. Plus, it happened to be one of those rare days when Los Angeles experiences a torrential downpour, so that when I finally arrived at the Fox parking garage, the map of the lot that security gave me disintegrated in the rain. I got totally lost running around in my 4” heels, frantically trying to distinguish one semi-wide trailer from another. When I finally found the correct building for my interview, without realizing it I sliced open my hand as I closed my umbrella. Nobody noticed, in fact, until the handsome executive interviewing me extended his arm for a handshake— we realized I was dripping blood all over the office floor.

Needless to say the interview was crap. It’s not easy to focus on work-related questions while you’re clutching a bloody wad of tissues!

I tried to shake the whole experience off as a bad day. Except that evening the executive called. I couldn’t believe it! Had they really looked past all that insanity?

“Security found your driver’s license on the floor of the parking garage,” he said. “They asked me to get in touch with you so you can come retrieve it.” With my tail between my legs, I returned in the borrowed car to the parking garage, certain to never see the inside of a movie studio again.

A day later the executive called back. “When can you start?” he asked. I was stunned. There had to be some mistake. “You do know it’s me, right? The girl who was an hour late and bled all over your office?” He laughed. “Yes, we know it’s you. You have a great sense of humor. We’d like to give you the job.”

So began one of the best non-acting job experiences of my life. And it’s true—sometimes having a sense of humor or being a little off-beat can help you stand out. Barbara Streisand lore says she was discovered the day she pretended to chew gum in an audition and “stuck it” under the bottom of her chair.

But on the whole, being a bit of a whackjob doesn’t usually help you get an acting role.

Here is a list of mistakes I’ve learned from in my own audition experience. Some silly, some sensible. And yes, I have done each of these things, personally.

Please Don’t Do Any of The Following. Trust me.

-Don’t make lice jokes at a hair modeling call.

-Don’t explain to the producers of a tour that before you have coffee in the morning your roommate calls you “The Bunny that Got Hit by a Truck.”

-Don’t expect that just because you’re auditioning for two wildly different shows that the people behind the table will want to choose which one you sing for first.

-Even if you’re trying out for the role of a hooker, that small regional theater in Wisconsin doesn’t want you to show up to the audition looking like one.

-Winter brings static electricity to polyester. Don’t wear polyester to auditions unless you can deal with static electricity in a more graceful manner than, say, Lucille Ball.

-“Tuna” is a code word for “men in drag.” If you can’t pull off looking like a man in drag, don’t show up.

-Don’t wear flesh-colored fabrics (even pretty ones!) unless you’re okay with people telling you that you must have some kind of body fetish. (Okay, I may not have been the weird one in this instance, but why invite the commentary?)

-Don’t say that you can’t think of any questions about the project unless you really feel that way. You might end up missing something that could have helped you. Conversely, don’t ask a question that was plainly stated in the breakdown or script for the sake of asking a question.

-If you wear a strappy dress, don’t go anywhere without a sewing kit. Nobody wants to pull a Janet Jackson in the middle of Eliza Doolittle, trust me.

-There will always be Chipotle after you’ve danced.

-If you have multiple binders for sheet music, don’t make them all the same color. You will bring the wrong one with you.

-Similarly, don’t accidentally take someone else’s music binder home with you. It doesn’t make you look good when you have to bring it back to her at her callback.

-Sticking with the binder theme, don’t forget your music binder in the audition room when you leave. They won’t think it’s cute that you were so nervous.

-Don’t leave your binder on the train.

-Don’t leave your binder in the car before you get on the train.

-Don’t leave anywhere without your binder, ever.

-Don’t pursue a profession that requires you to hold on to a binder! (Okay, this one’s just for me.)

-Don’t wear a leotard you’ve never sweated in before . . . you don’t want to be surprised what suddenly becomes visible mid-audition.

-Don’t mistake porn for Shakespeare. Just don’t. (Those of you who read my Back Stage column last June know what I’m talking about. . .) [Sex, Lies and Shakespeare]

-If they ask you about something you’re good at (“How are you with modern dance?”), don’t tell them about something you aren’t (“Way better than I am a tap! Man do I suck at tap!”). Especially if tap wasn’t even in the equation.

-Don’t get into the “hey we know this person in common” game with someone you’re trying to impress if the only stories you can tell of this person are about how they dumped you.

-Conversely, if someone you’re trying to impress gets excited about a name on your resume and says “I love this person, how are they?” don’t stammer and say, “Oh, I don’t know I haven’t seen her for four years.”

-Don’t staple your resume upside-down to your headshot.

-Scientific studies show that only 3% of women going into an audition room do not have a wedgie. 3% of women going into an audition room aren’t wearing underwear. Don’t pick your wedgie!

-Don’t tell a pedophile joke when they ask you to tell a joke to camera, even if it’s the only joke you can think of at the time.

-And last but not least, don’t lose heart! We all do stupid things when we’re nervous. Each audition is a new chance. And luckily for screw-ups like me, this is the time of year with the most chances.

Sure, casting directors hire us not to be crazy people but to play crazy people. But if I can blunder my way into a career and I’ve made that many screw-ups?— I get the feeling that we’re all going to be okay. Take heed, that you may learn from my idiocy. Come to think of it, it’s a miracle anyone’s ever hired me at all. Thank you, former employers! Please. . . don’t tell your friends.

Heather Gault is an actress based out of New York City. When she’s not singing and dancing for her meal ticket, Heather enjoys dabbling in writing and producing. She currently writes a seasonal column for Back Stage about the ups and downs of being an actor. Her play, Stroller Wars, has been featured as part of the Strawberry One Act Festival and workshopped at the Surflight Theatre in Beach Haven, NJ. Next up, Heather will be appearing in the independent feature-length musical film In the Night. To learn more about Heather and her upcoming projects, check out www.HeatherGault.com.

Paul Russell’s career as a casting director, director, acting teacher and former actor has spanned nearly thirty years. He has worked on projects for major film studios, television networks, and Broadway. Paul has taught the business of acting and audition technique at NYU and has spoken at universities including Yale, Temple and the University of the Arts. He writes a column for Back Stage and is the author of ACTING: Make It Your Business – How to Avoid Mistakes and Achieve Success as a Working Actor. For more information, please visit www.PaulRussell.net.

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Bad Actor! Bad!

At this moment I’m about to publicly name five disrespectful actors for recent irresponsible behavior that cost my client to unknowingly waste $10,000 plus in casting expenses (travel, rentals, staff, supplies, et. al.) What travesty could actors have done to be publicly branded for poor professionalism?

Recently an assistant helping me set-up a casting session suddenly said in regard to Answers for Actors, “I get the sense you’re very close to naming names.” I laughed and replied I never would do such. We don’t need Twittergate – The Sequel.

Well… that was then S.E. Hinton… this is now.

At this moment I’m close to publicly naming five disrespectful actors for recent irresponsible behavior that nearly cost my client to waste $10,000-plus in casting expenses (travel, rentals, staff, supplies, et. al.). Fortunately other actors saved the sessions. But what travesty could the dissing dramatists have done to be publicly branded for poor professionalism?

Each accepted auditions followed by subsequent call-backs knowing the full length of the project’s commitment dates and salary range; then when offers of employ were placed to these actors each passed citing via their agents, ‘they didn’t want to work out-of-town for the length of the contract’. Then why accept and attend the audition and call-backs?

What if a casting office called you in as an actor for an appointment for which you diligently prepared for, spent time and money to be your best, but when you arrived at the audition site the casting personnel dryly mumbled, “Go home. We canceled your appointment. We re-reviewed your resume and decided you’re not an object of our desire.” The message boards of the actor grapevine would be sour harvests of indignant thespian rancor.

Or… as I in jest suggested to my client; why not we follow the practice of some NYC restaurants that charge patrons for no-show reservations? Doctors charge a similar penalty to patients who are absent for appointments. So for actors who audition for projects in which all important employment information (dates, salary, contract type, roles/tracks) are publicly announced before the actor accepts the audition appointment and subsequent call-back(s) but then passes on an offer of employ citing dis-interest to any of the pre-published contract details– we begin charging those delusional delinquents for the time of their audition. As I wrote in an earlier post; that three to seven minutes a producer provides an actor an interview for work (i.e. audition) can add up to hundreds and thousands of dollars per actor (original post: How to Piss-Off a Casting Director (Without Being Seen)).

This passing practice by actors happens far too often for a collective that daily whines about being unemployed. When I hear or read an actor state, “I need work” I’m near to the point of responding, “Bullshit. You don’t want work. You want easy pay direct deposited into your bank account while you text and Tweet with libel to friends how your life is unfulfilled and no one wants you. Grow-up and stop pretending to be an adult. Make-believe is what you do for work. Reality is accepting responsibilities within your life.”

Thankfully, I remind myself there are actors who seriously want and honestly desire employment within their chosen profession. To those talented professionals; thank you. You make the journey fun and productive.

To those five actors (and others who would similarly be foolhardy in following the thieving thespians’ examples) a reminder is greatly warranted. Below is a prior post “The Cardinal Sin of Auditioning” originally published here June 2009. Time for a refresher course on professionalism.

(As to my naming names…? Each of the disrespectful actors know who they are as much as I hold their identities to tarnished memory. Sadly those names will more than likely never appear again on one of my session sheets. There are just too many of their peers who truly desire employment. Next!)

The Cardinal Sin of Auditioning

This week: Deceitful Actors Who Falsely Audition

Recently as I was sitting in my partner’s office (the talent agency owner) I overheard one side of a heated phone conversation between one of the agents and a client.

“If you go in for Tara Rubin for this audition, just to be seen, without any intent on accepting an offer for the national tour of Young Frankenstein should it come your way…” was how the conversation began as the agent’s temporal veins began to pulse. I knew where this was going. And it wouldn’t be pretty.

Here was an actor, with solid representation, at a better agency, who’d been given an offer for a job in New York which would conflict with the Young Frankenstein national tour. Because he had an offer on hand which was not finalized on paper, auditioning for other projects is the norm in the industry. What is not the appropriate norm was what he wanted to do. He was telling his agent, someone in the business long before said actor was in diapers, that if he got an offer from the Young Frankenstein audition, he would pass. I.e. flip off the offer and creative team. His sole desire to go in for one of the hottest casting offices in New York was that he wanted to use the audition to remind Tara Rubin that he existed.

W.T.F! Excuse me????!!!!!

As the conversation to my left continued, the agent’s pulsating temples were joined in rhythm by her click-clack tapping of manicured finger nails upon the frosted glass of her desk top. I looked to her boss, my partner. He informed me that the actor on the phone was the same young man who came into an audition for me over a year ago, got an offer from my office and client and then passed. He passed because he never wanted the job. He auditioned only because he had yet to be seen by me. He did THIS to a casting director who also was the life-partner to the agent that represented him! (Can anyone say Gaul? Stupidity? Walking selfish-arrogant-anal opening?!)

My partner and I were both supremely peeved. Despite the actor’s foible of giving what basically was a fictitious audition (because he held no truth to professionalism) this “actor” wasn’t dropped. His punishment to date? I refuse to call him in for anything again. Ever.

Never. Repeat. Never. Ever do you as an actor, a professional, go to an audition knowing that you will not accept an offer should you be so lucky as to receive one. As I wrote extensively on this subject in ACTING: Make It Your Business far too many times do actors and academics of the profession live by or impart unto others the mis-informed, moronic mantra, “You should audition for anything and everything even if you’re not right for a role, not available for, or dis-interested in the project being cast.” If you’re not; interested, right for a role or project available, DO NOT AUDITION! Got it?!

You’re wasting the time, and taking away costly audition slots, of your fellow actors who DO want the job and are appropriate for the role(s) being cast. By being false with your audition intent you’re wasting the valuable time and money of the creative personnel who are seeking performers who want immediate employment. Plus, you’re pissing off your peers and the people who hire. Actors and acting academics who believe in the “audition for anything and everything” fable can argue with me and my casting colleagues, talent reps., producers and directors against our professional opinion until they and their tenured professors enroll for the grave. Fine. But you and they should know this: Participate in the foolish, selfish, unprofessional behavior and an early grave is where your career journey prematurely comes to an end with those you practice upon this folly.

You may be thinking…, “How would the casting people, directors or producers know I was auditioning for a project that I had no intent on taking the job if offered?” Hmmmm. Deceit can not hide forever.

In ACTING: Make It Your Business I wrote of an incident in which one rude, selfish, arrogant, asinine actress who auditioned for one of my projects knew going into the audition studio that she would not take the job if offered. What happened? How I knew? What became of her? And what happened when I ran into her afterward…? Well for those who have read that story… you know. And hopefully you’ve learned from her error.

My Best,
Paul

Paul Russell’s career as a casting director, director, acting teacher and former actor has spanned nearly thirty years. He has worked on projects for major film studios, television networks, and Broadway. Paul has taught the business of acting and audition technique at NYU and has spoken at universities including Yale, Temple and the University of the Arts. He writes a column for Back Stage and is the author of ACTING: Make It Your Business – How to Avoid Mistakes and Achieve Success as a Working Actor. For more information, please visit www.PaulRussell.net.

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